Please Practise Sex With Me

- Hey baby.

Wanna practise with me?

(upbeat music)

Hello, I'm Julian Northbrook from doingenglish.com

helping you to master the English language faster

with less stress, less hassle

and fewer headaches

and I got this scorcher in my inbox today.

Hi Julian, I wanted to help me

how to speak English and I wanted to practise.

How about you?

Thanks.

It's nothing personal to this person in particular,

but dude, work on your approach.

I mean, look, first of all,

why would I want to use my valuable time

to go off and practise speaking English

with some random person

from the internet that I don't know from Adam

that might be a psychopath

and I mean,

you know?

But more importantly,

I mean, let's say this is somebody that I know.

I already speak English,

why do I want to practise my English?

And I know, I know, I know,

the benefit is not for me, it's for you

but that's the point.

It's not a win-win situation.

You get everything, I get nothing.

It's like me going out to a school

and teaching a class all day

without getting paid for it.

I'm just a volunteer

giving up my time for nothing

but that makes you a charity case

and don't you feel kind of embarrassed about that?

But I mean think about it.

This is exactly the same

as me walking up to some random girl

on the street that I've never seen before,

she's never seen me before

and saying something like hey baby,

my bedroom technique isn't very good,

I wanna practise having sex with you.

How about it?

I mean, do you think that might work?

'Cause I don't.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

a direct approach can work

and many, many years ago

when I was still single

I've taken some pretty direct approaches in the past,

and it has been successful

but that was because there was already

an established relationship there in place

and of course I didn't tell her

I wanted to practise with her

'cause that would be weird.

I mean, you don't practise the old rumpy pumpy, do you?

I mean, you just kind of do it

and you get good at it from experience,

from you know, doing it, not practising it.

This is all kind of tongue in cheek, I know

but it is a good analogy.

I blame conversation schools

and their unfortunate advertising

and the way they put this across.

You've already learned English at school,

now you've just gotta practise with a native speaker

and people are obsessed

with this practising , practising with a native speaker.

I need someone to help me practise.

Bollocks you do.

Look, you need to learn the language

and then you need to get the fuck out there

and actually use it with real people

in real situations.

Bollocks to this I need a native speaker

to practise with rubbish.

Don't bother with that.

Skip that and just start doing something in English.

I mean, it's not rocket science, is it?

And the point is,

if you really, really, really don't have any way

to actually sue the English language with real people,

then don't you think that it's kind

of pointless practising it anyway?

Anyway, like I said,

this is meant tongue in cheek

but the message behind what I'm saying here

really kind of is important I think,

so have a think about this.

This then is me, Julian Northbrook, signing off

from another daily video.

Thanks for watching.

If you found it humorous,

if not useful, give it a thumbs up.

If I have totally offended your world view, well, bothered.

Go ahead, give it a thumbs down

and I will see in you tomorrow's video.

Thank you, goodbye.

Not sure how to practise your English

without needing native speakers to help you?

No problem, just check out this video

where I give you four ways

to practise your English completely alone.

Be warned, number three might make you giggle a little bit

and check out this video

if you don't know what the best kind

of English learning materials are.

Go on, check them out.